John Lennon Invented the iPod

Hilarious.

Hilarious George W. Bush Videos

George W. Bush with a laugh track



The man behind the words



George W. Bush drunk?

Spanish Star Spangled Banner

Listen to a reworked version of America's national anthem in Spanish.

English translation:

By the light of the dawn, do you see arising,

what we proudly hailed at twilight's last fall?

Its stars, its stripes

yesterday streamed

above fierce combat

a gleaming emblem of victory

and the struggle toward liberty.

Throughout the night, they proclaimed:

"We will defend it!"

Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave

above the land of the free,

the sacred flag?

Its stars, its stripes,

liberty, we are the same.

We are brothers in our anthem.

In fierce combat, a gleaming emblem of victory

and the struggle toward liberty.

My people fight on.

The time has come to break the chains.

Throughout the night they proclaimed, "We will defend it!"

Tell me! Does its starry beauty still wave

above the land of the free,

the sacred flag?

Arnold Swarzengger's Best Movie By Far

Link

Kirk Cameron, Some Guy, Banana Prove God Exists

The Leprechaun Plot Thickens

The White Stripes Cover Ol' Dirty Bastard

Watch Jack White throw in a few lines from ODB's "Got Your Money" in this version of The White Stripes' "Little Bird". He raps: "So I walk on over with my crystal/Bitches, niggaz put away your pistols."

Leprechaun Sketch Nets $1,100

The sketch of the leprechaun from the news story in Mobile, Alabama, recently sold for $1,100 on e-bay. See for yourself.

Coke JacK

Here's the new Coca-Cola commercial with a jingle written by The White Stripes' Jack White.

Coke BlaK

Coke Blak finally arrived in Boston today. For those who are unfamiliar with the new beverage, here's a description from Consumer Reports.

Up to now, the French have sipped a Coca-Cola product not found on U.S. grocery shelves: Coke BlaK, a grown-up soft drink that combines the fizzy flavors of Coke with coffee.

Coke BlaK has roughly double the caffeine and half the calories of regular Coke. Each 8-oz. bottle has 45 calories; regular Coke has 100. At $1.70 to $2 per bottle, Coke BlaK is a lot pricier than a can of regular Coke.

But how does it taste? We asked four of our experienced taste testers to compare in a blind test the U.S. and French versions of Coke BlaK, plus regular Coca-Cola Classic.

The differences between the U.S. and French versions are unmistakable. The U.S. Coke BlaK is sweeter and has more caramel-like flavoring, similar to Coca-Cola Classic. The coffee flavor is a bare whiff.

The French version, by contrast, has a more pronounced coffee flavor, which better balances the cola flavor.

For the U.S. market, the sleek, contemporary can of the French Coke BlaK was replaced by a more familiar curvy Coca-Cola bottle silhouette.


My first impression was that, yes, Coke Blak undeniably tastes like a mixture of Coca-Cola and coffee. As Consumer Reports suggests, I agree that the problem with the U.S. version is that the coffee flavor isn't strong enough. As a result, Coke Blak tastes like flat Coke with a few drops of coffee thrown in. And that, my friends, is gross. Here's more from Consumer Reports.

Cola tinged with coffee is not a new concept. In the mid-1990s, Pepsi Kona, Java Cola, and Café Cola were introduced, each trying to excite a flat market for carbonated beverages. All failed. Possibly in an effort to chase the coffeehouse crowd, Coke decided to give it another go, starting in France earlier this year.

Bottom line: If you like the idea of a hint of coffee with your Coke, you might give this a try. But if you're looking for more coffee with your cola, you'll be disappointed with Coke BlaK--unless you buy it in France.

Mommy, Where Do Rap Songs Come From?

The Fugees

"Ready Or Not" = "Ready Or Not (Here I Come)" by The Delfonics

"Fu-Gee-La" = "Ooh La La La" by Teena Marie


Beyonce Knowles

"Crazy In Love" = "Are You My Woman" by The Chi-Lites


Salt-N-Peppa

"Whatta Man" = "Whatta Man" by Linda Lyndell


Jermaine Durpi feat. Jay-Z

"Money Ain't A Thang" = "Weak At The Knees" by Steve Arrington


Kanye West

"All Falls Down" = "Mystery of Iniquity" by Lauryn Hill


Eminem

"My Name Is" = "I Got The (Blues)" by Labi Siffre

Best Song of 2006

Until now, the best song of 2006 was "Check On It" by Beyonce. That title now belongs to the Pipettes' "Your Kisses Are Wasted On Me". You can download it here.

He's... Back?

Terrell Owens, the disgraced former Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver, has recorded a rap song (it begins playing immediately) about his comeback with new team the Dallas Cowboys.

Dave Chappelle said in Dave Chappelle's Block Party that every comedian wants to be a musician, and every musician thinks he's funny. While that may be true, I think it's more accurate to say every athlete thinks he can rock.


I, for one, applaud T.O.'s willingness to release an embarrassing autobiographical rap song. With so many athletes stoic and reserved these days, it's refreshing to see a big sports star with the courage to set himself up for public ridicule. While "I'm Back" is a good start for Mr. Owens, it's going to be a long time before he matches the successes of the all-time greatest athlete-to-musician crossover: Shaquille O'Neal.

I Wanna Know Where The Gold At

If you liked the leprechaun news story from Alabama, you need to see the remix.

And while you're at it, watch this amazing video of a girl stacking cups.

If you think the cup girl is impressive, you'll enjoy these trick beer pong shots.

Broken Boy Soldiers Leaks

The Raconteurs' debut album Broken Boy Soldiers has leaked on the internet. Broken Boy Soldiers will be released in stores across the U.S. on May 16. The Raconteurs are comprised of The White Stripes' Jack White, Brendan Benson, and The Greenhorne's Patrick Keeler and Jack Lawrence. This has been one of the most highly anticipated releases of 2006.

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness: Redux

The Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness is not a great album, but within its two disks an all-time classic album exists.

Double albums are almost never a good idea, and Mellon Collie is one of the best examples why. Simply put, it doesn't have enough good songs to justify its two-hour length. What makes Mellon Collie more maddening than other double albums, however, is that it has enough great songs to have made a brilliant single LP. The length of the Foo Fighters' 2005 double album In Your Honor isn't an issue, on the other hand, because it's mediocre across the board. You're either going to get 10 bland Foo Fighters songs or 20.

There are exceptions to the double album rule, of course. The Beatles' "White Album" works because it has variation. There are 2 1/4 lead singers/songwriters, and the styles of music range from hard rock, to show tunes, to sleepy psychedelica. Plus, deciding which songs to cut would have been nearly impossible.



Realeasing Mellon Collie as a double album ruined the Smashing Pumpkins' career. Sure, it sold a ridiculous amount of copies and made Billie Corgan a multi-millionaire, but barely anyone who bought the record on the strength of its five singles actually enjoys listening to it.

Prior to downloading, we didn't have the ability to pick which songs we wanted to buy off an album. Since album sales are almost entirely dependent on the strength of singles, we rushed out and bought Mellon Collie because "Bullet With Butterfly Wings", "Tonight, Tonight", and "1979" were so great. Once we brought the CD home, however, we were forced to sit through crap like "Jellybelly" and "Tales of a Scorched Earth".

The real tragedy here is that Mellon Collie has a batch of great songs that weren't singles - seven to be exact. Five brilliant singles plus seven great non-singles equals one solid album of twelve songs. Instead, we have 28 songs, of which more than half are either mediocre or downright atrocious. This hurt the Pumpkins when they released Adore, the follow-up to Mellon Collie. Adore sold well, but it came nowhere close to matching the sales of its predecessor. This wasn't because Adore is a subpar album. And it had nothing to do with the quality of the singles. "Ava Adore" and "Perfect" are radio-friendly songs in the tradition of the Pumpkins' best work. Adore didn't sell as well because millions of people who bought Mellon Collie never listened to it. As a result, they weren't falling over themselves to fork over the money for the Pumpkins new album knowing they never played the previous one.

With my hypothesis being that a shorter Mellon Collie is one of the very best albums of the 1990s, I decided to figure out what it would look like as a single album. My rules were that the end result had to be between 10 and 14 tracks, and only the best songs would be considered for inclusion. Everything else would be cut. The result is a cohesive and diverse twelve song album.

These songs sequenced in this order is what Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness should have been released as.

Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness: Redux

1. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
2. Tonight, Tonight
3. Bullet With Butterfly Wings
4. Here Is No Why
5. Stumbleine
6. We Only Come Out At Night
7. Muzzle
8. 1979
9. Take Me Down
10. Thirty-Three
11. Zero
12. Farewell and Goodnight

If you own Mellon Collie, put it on your mp3 player or burn it onto a CD with only those songs in that order. Listen to it straight through a few times. You'll be amazed by how strong an album it could have been and saddened by the fact that what we got instead is a bloated, inconsistent mess.

The Cheesecake Factory

When I go to dinner I rarely order dessert. That is, except for when I eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Since the restaurant is named after dessert, I feel like I'd be missing out on its best dish by not ordering any.

When the waitress asks us at the end of the meal if we'll be having cheesecake, the same thing always happens. We look at each other, shrug, and say, "Well we are at the Cheesecake Factory!" Then everyone laughs and our bill goes up $14.


I would wager that because of its name alone, the Cheesecake Factory makes more money off desserts than any other restaurant chain in the country. It's a brilliant idea. Some marketing whizzes were probably trying to figure out how to maximize profits and realized restaurants that sell a high percentage of desserts typically do well. "I know," the whizzes said, "we'll name the place after a freakin' dessert!" The Cheesecake Factory could have very well been named the Tiramisu Factory or the the Ice Cream Sunday Factory, and it would have had the same effect. People wouldn't leave until having themselves some $7 tiramisu or ice cream.

I'm going take this strategy one step further. When I open a restaurant it's going to be called the Filet Mignon Factory. The percentage of people who order the pricey dish will shoot through the roof just because of the name, and profits will soar. I can see it now:


Waitress: And what will you be having tonight, sir?
Man: I'll have the Caesar Salad.
Woman: The Caesar Salad? Hugh, we're at the Filet Mignon Factory for chrysakes!
Man: Oh, she's right. I'll have the filet mignon.
Waitress: Very good, sir.

Very good, indeed. Very good for me.

Magic Johnson

This is from Bill Simmons' running diary of the Red Sox and Yankees games played yesterday.

"Coco Crisp is one of those names like Magic Johnson or Dick Pound -- hear it enough times and you forget how ridiculous it is. Actually, that's not true ... Dick Pound ALWAYS sounds ridiculous."

It really is strange that we call Magic Johnson Magic Johnson. His real name is Earvin, after all. Magic Johnson sounds normal because we've been hearing it our whole lives, but try to imagine what it would be like if people suddenly started calling you "Magic [your last name]".

The best part is that the word "magic" is a noun, not an adjective. Magic Johnson is not merely a magical man. He is magic.

You have to be really good at your profession for the public to refer to you by a name that suggests you are the embodiment of mysical powers. Seinfeld was a funny show, but we don't call Jerry Seinfeld "Miracle Seinfeld". Bruce Springsteen is a very good songwriter, but he's still known as Bruce Springsteen, not "Sorcery Springsteen". David Copperfield is an actual magician, yet the best he could do was name himself after the title-character in a Charles Dickens novel set in Victorian England.

Earvin Johnson, though? He wins five NBA titles and averages 20 points, 11 assists, and 7 rebounds during his career, and to this day we call him Magic as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

Twenty-First Birthdays

My friend Bill turned 21 today. Man, it seems like he was twenty-years-old just yesterday.

I hope Bill doesn't drink too much tonight. Or would the drinking have started last night at midnight? It would be a shame to suffer through a massive hangover from a night of birthday celebration, only to have its legitamcy disqualified on a technicality.

Getting completely wrecked on the day we reach the legal drinking age must be a uniquely American experience. Do Britons binge when they turn 18? I doubt it. When people drink until they're sick on their twenty-first birthday, it's not an impromptu consequence of joyously over-indulging in a newfound freedom. It's a premeditated decision to end the night hugging a toilet - no matter what it takes.

When most people turn 21, they've already been drinking for years (probably even in a few bars). Where's the thrill in being able to do something lawfully that we've already been doing anyways? If jaywalking was legalized tomorrow, we wouldn't spend the day running around the city, crossing as many streets as possible. So why should we drink ten beers on our birthday?

We want to participate in an American cultural experience, that's why. Getting fall-down drunk at 21 is a custom most people choose not to ignore. Like going to the high school prom or taking an extravagant spring break in college, it might not be worth our trouble, but we want to be able to say, "I did it."

When I turned 21 I went out for a few drinks at the campus pub in the afternoon. Then I went to my international relations class. This was a mistake. By the time I walked into the lecture hall, I was feeling the juice. I called out to my friend Dan, who had already sat down, to come to the back of the room and sit with me. Confused, he gathered his belongings and maneuvered his way out of his row back to where I was.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Dude, the pub? Awesome!" I replied.

Ten minutes into the lecture, I was seeing double Power Point presentations and realized taking notes would be impossible. I got up, left class, boarded a train home, and ended up going to dinner with my family that night at the Longhorn Steakhouse.